Who leads the race to lead the race?

I would like to perform a national service to our dear friends over the pond. We all know that life over there is all about ease; spray on cheese to avoid having to use a knife or even a grater, single nation 'World Series' so there is no need to compete to win and small islands in the middle of the North Sea to provide professional soldiers so you don’t have to train your own. And now, to help with the pain of thinking, there is a service to let you know who to vote for. Life is indeed good.

Now, according to some survey, our good friends the yanks care about three things when voting, money, terrorism (of course) and some place somewhere called Iraq or something. In that case, things seem simple. In terms of Iraq, one says he will stay there (McCain), the other says he will leave (Obama). On terrorism, Obama would crack down on Pakistan for its terrorism links in the form of training camps, whilst McCain would strengthen the border tribes to stop drug trafficking; an traditional American policy which has worked well in the past, meaning that within just a few short years, the armies of Osama bin Laden and the IRA were already better than their own. Excellent investment indeed. Finally, money; Obama would be nice to the poor, with regular hugs, chicken soup and a couple of quick fumbles, whilst McCain prefers a buggering from big, sexy business. Both, incidentally, have promised to hug every tree they can find.

For our American readers, that all means 1-0 Obama. Yee-Ha I hear you cry, but wait...

There is something about John McCain. His choice of sidekick, one Miss Palin, whose name is all too easily confused with one trout molesting Russian, has strong redneck credentials despite her Alaskan ties. A needless appointment though, as he already has the redneck vote by default. Having already proved she is adept at talking complete moose shit and making decisive decisions, (over whether it is aerosol cheese or nature causing the Alaskan winters to stop) she seems an excellent choice. McCain obviously has lots of support willing to publicly back him too as his economic adviser proved by standing up and proudly announcing that he couldn’t run the country.

Yes, that’s right, that brings it back to 1-1. As the British minister for Foreign Policy, Russell Brand, so rightly said, you clearly love that retard you have now, and here in McCain is a ready made replacement. I find it hard to see any other choice.

Tubbs